THE DARWIN SYNDROME

Many years ago when I was editor of a metropolitan newspaper I first heard the expression “the Darwin Syndrome”.

It had nothing to do with Cyclone Tracy but everything to do with family suffering and financial hardship.

The Darwin Syndrome referred to the fact that in the 1970s and 1980s something like 70% of men ordered to pay their own children maintenance under Family Court rulings ignored the rulings.

They callously and selfishly left their ex-wives and kids to struggle along as best they could. And remember this was back when single mothers didn’t get heaps of Government support.

It was called The Darwin Syndrome because, theoretically, errant ex-husbands just left states like Victoria and New South Wales and went to live in the wild Northern Territory. Court orders didn’t cross state lines. Garnishees of wages were virtually non-existent.

Over the years, to be honest, I have been fairly savage on men who abrogated their financial responsibilities to their kids and have been sceptical about some of the emotional, hard-done-by, sob stories from fathers that have flooded my mailbox and e-mails.

Now, I am not so clear. In recent months (on radio and off-air) I have been involved in debates about child support.

How does a divorced father know that the money he diligently and regularly pays in maintenance for his children actually is used to

“maintain” his children?

How does he know that some of it doesn’t go to help pay for the stepfather’s (or boyfriend’s) new car

Of course the “the man” could argue that heaps of his money goes to maintaining a lifestyle for another man’s children.

It is undeniably a complex issue but a letter from a father, cuckolded and shafted after 12 years marriage, puts an edifying spin on it.

He wrote to me that since his wife moved a new man in the day after he was forced to move out he had never avoided paying child support – even though he literally walked away with the shirt on his back and not even a car to drive.

(Ironically, the man who moved in was a customer his wife had sold a car to.)

He wrote:

“I have always made sure that my employer paid the maintenance it so it was taken out of my hands. Therefore she could never (like she once tried to) say 'where’s the money?'

If I knew that every cent of my child support was going to actually supporting my children, then I'd work an extra job to pay more. But I don't know this. No paying parent knows where the money goes
once the payee receives it. Until recently I had no car. My ex wife and her partner had bought a 4-wheel drive. I didn't want my child support payments going to pay for their car. -Again, there was no way that I could police that.”

This ex-husband suggests a dramatic, even socialist, overhaul where – in his view -- child support goes to a central pool.

“Lets say a paying parent pays $50 per week. The recipient then
goes out and buys food and clothing for the child and claims the money back from the pool by way of receipts. Those receipts, naturally, cannot exceed the $50 per week, and if they do, then that is the other parent also caring for the child. This way at least there is a paper trail, and the paying parent knows that the money is being spent on the child. It then becomes CHILD SUPPORT. I know it's a 'pie in the sky' idea, but something has to be done for the 95% of fathers / paying parents who do the right thing.”

And while I am on the complex subject of children, in an increasingly fractured society, spare a thought for this shafted child.

Her name is Nadia. She is adopted. Her biological mother contacted her, legally through Government agencies, when she was in her early 20's.

“My adoptive parents have always given me the information on my biological parents. My biological mother wanted to meet me. I was in shock, but very curious about these people that made me. I was given full medical histories and personality and family histories on these people from my adoptive mother.

“When my biological mother contacted me I was led to believe that the information on my bio father was true. She told me she lied about the father and refuses to tell me who it is. The name that was given to the adoption agency 20 odd years ago does not exist. No one will help me. My biological mother now has her own family- and told me not to pursue anything as I would be opening a can of worms. WHAT THE HELL HAS SHE DONE! SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO CONTACT ME WITH A BIG FAT LIE! No one will help me as nobody wants the blame for being negligent. I am sick of being a bastard. This is killing me. Animals need to be registered, but humans can do what ever they like. No one will tackle this sensitive issue, will you please?"

How sick, how selfish, is this mother? If she was not prepared to tell her daughter the truth she should have left her alone.

November 23, 2003

.©Copyright Derryn Hinch 2003