DON’T BANK ON IT

ATMs are in the news. Or as some people still call them: ATM machines. Which makes them “automatic teller machine machines”. Like the GST tax becomes the “Goods and Services Tax tax”. Duh?

First up a personal story about how out of touch I used to be. Years ago when these money vending machines were new my then wife Jacki Weaver and my stepson were in New York and got caught in the most ferocious winter storm in about 100 years. It was so cold they told me that the ATMs had frozen.

My reaction, which they teased me about for years, was: “what’s an ATM”.

I actually had heard of money dispensing machines outside of banks. And that had prompted two personal reactions. The most obvious was that it wasn’t really the service it was dressed up to be. It was really a ploy by the banks to sack tellers and reduce in-bank services.

How right was that call? And even my crystal ball could not have predicted the rapacious banks and they way they have torn the heart out of country banks and suburban branches.

My second feeling was that I would not use an outside bank where every time I made a withdrawal I might as well have a neon sign on my head saying “ I’ve got money”.

I am now a convert. I even use the convenient ATM in the local 7-11 and on an Asian holiday got a buzz out of punching in my Commonwealth Bank pin (pin not pin number) on the pavement on a burning summer’s day in Phuket in Thailand and having real money spit out at me. And the same at Raffles Hotel in Singapore.

But there has been a penalty for all of this. A
monetary penalty that is often hidden or at best shown in hieroglyphics on your statement.

The banks have been making a poultice from every one of those transactions you have made. They have been charging like wounded bulls.

ATMs are in the news again in Victoria because of the news that legislation is being drafted to force banks to employ security guards or use monitored video cameras to protect ATM customers.

Now this is just another Labor government feel-good law. A bit likes the shutdown of business on Easter Sunday.

I mean…. are they serious? Do they propose armed guards at every ATM 24 hours a day? Will I see one in my local 7-11? This is Noddyland.

Maybe they’ll insist they put security guards in Dan Murphy because people who shop there must be carrying money. Or Myer. Or David Jones.

Get the government out of this. The use of ATMs is common sense. Don’t withdraw money at a darkened CBD machine late at night. Don’t linger near a machine. Don’t flaunt your money. Don’t count it ostentatiously.

And the most stupid thing about this earnest new supposedly correct legislation from an earnest and supposedly correct government is that it will obviously, inevitably, cost you the ATM user and other bank customers money.

Wednesday, April 9, 2003

©Copyright Derryn Hinch 2002