A WEEKEND WANK

One moment on Saturday night neatly summed up the Canberra ‘Kevfest’  for me watching the 2020 Summit on SKY news. There was Hollywood heartthrob Hugh Jackman, with a roving mike, working the crowd like a Down Under version of Oprah.

And he dragged a reluctant woman named Mara from her seat and, on national television, asked her what had been the highlight of the Summit so far. Her answer: ‘Meeting you.’

And judging from what we saw in SKY’s interminable coverage she was probably right.

So much for the promise that this summit would not be about the usual suspects. Every time I turned on there was either John Fawkner or Penny Wong or Peter Garrett or Kevin Rudd obviously immune to the two-minute level for other speakers.

And the mind started to glaze on Saturday morning when the group Chairs and Co-chairs and the ubiquitous ‘facilitators’ started talking about  ‘streams’ and ‘sub-streams’. Cartoonists diligently, but distractingly, drew houses and cars and  thought balloons behind speakers heads while delegates were urged to ‘remain positive’. When maybe a bit of real-life negativity and dissent wouldn’t have hurt.

I was still coming to terms with the ‘productivity agenda stream’.

I watched one group earnestly debating for yonks about whether they should use the words ‘icon’ or ‘flagship’ in their submission.

And Sally Capp, the Chief Executive of the Committee for Melbourne wrote in her Age  diary that ‘we argued for 45 minutes about whether to use the word ‘ramrod’ or ‘time-sensitive’ to urge rapid response  to infrastructure issues.

A lot  of delegates now suffering Summit withdrawals are realising they were had. Swept along in the Ruddslide. Blindsided by skilled  ‘facilitators’.

Veteran journalist Michael Harvey from the Herald Sun says ‘ the presence of professional facilitators brought in to marshal our deliberations was a foreign concept to many of us.

This goon squad from the 2020 team from  the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet were meant to help participants home their final reports.

They didn’t hone them. They bent them, sanitised them, and wrote them.

In the Creative Australia ‘stream’ delegates complained on Day Two that  the summary of the previous day’s discussions were wrong and should be rejected. One said the PM’s department  ‘must not make us say what we do not wish to say’.

Many complained that not much of the so-called two-day gabfest was devoted to discussions.  The Herald Sun readers’ rep Kate Hands said she was only in session discussions for  three hours over the entire weekend.

One thing that did get up – which caught Kevin Rudd off-guard – was the overwhelming support for a Republic. And soon. Liked that.

The Age front page headline trumpets the new non-news headline: Now for the Plan of Action. All the Prime Minister has said is that he’ll report back by the end of the year.

Maybe Hugh Jackman had the right idea. He glad-handed people. Had his picture taken a lot. Was his usual jovial, generous self. Then scarpered.

The Boy from Oz made it back to Sydney in time for lunch yesterday. He obviously had 2020 vision when it came to meaningless prattle.

Monday, April 21, 2008

© Copyright Derryn Hinch 2008