SHOP ‘TIL THEY DROP

In this job you have to plough through a lot of rubbish. Surveys that you realise have been conducted by vested interests. Reports from so-called experts. And sometimes stuff   that has been collected at great expense, often government surveys that you pay for, that merely state the bleeding obvious and make you think: No shit, Sherlock.

There’s one today that takes the cake. It’s all about shopping centres giving toddlers tantrum-training. It sounds alliterative but not much else.

Westfield at Fountaingate – Kath and Kim territory – has had training sessions conducted by a woman named Pinky (yep, that’s her name) Pinky McKay author of a book called Toddler Tactics.

And the Herald Sun’s unquestioning story has a list of rules on Howe to Handle Children in Shopping Centres.

The very first one sets the tone. ‘Don’t take children shopping when they’re tired and/or hungry’.  That’s brilliant advice.

Maybe somebody should tell the experts that there are thousands of mums out there who don’t want to take their children shopping at all. They’d love the get the chore of the supermarket visit over and done with as quickly as possible. The problem is they can’t always choose when they do the shopping. And they take the kids because they have to. They can’t afford babysitters. Can’t just drop them off at Mum’s.

And try these tips.  Keep trips short. Yeah, sure. Put on the running shoes and just whip up and down the aisles. Supermum can do it with two or three kids in tow. No problems.

And how about this one: Include fun elements along the way. Sure. Drop off at the local playground. Take the kids to the movies. Maybe do half your shopping and then go toss a Frisbee. Then go back and do the rest.

Of course the supermarkets are depicted as the villains in all this. Pinky McKay says that for starters  they should ‘ take away all those lollies and DVD’s at the checkouts which are placed there deliberately to trap people’. Trying saying ‘No’ Pinky.  And she suggested an express lane for parents with children. The fact that those customers have the biggest trolley loads which would make them the slowest express lanes since the Monash at peak hour apparently escapes her.

While talking about being on another planet, listen to this suggestion from Amanda Cox the founder of a group called Real Mums. She says she’d like to see retailers do a lot more to make shopping easier. Her wish?  Things like ‘cheese and wine nights with baby sitters on hand’.

How will that get your shopping done? Just an excuse for Mum to get stuck into the wine while somebody else looks after the kids.

I read all this rubbish and almost felt like tossing a tantrum myself.

Friday, July 25, 2008

© Copyright Derryn Hinch 2008