EDENVALE WINES
(Non-Alcoholic)
02 9477 7346
info@jmbbeverages.com.au
www.edenvale.com.au

Okay, Okay. Don’t remind me. I know I wrote the book The Derryn Hinch Diet. Many people (who hadn’t read it) claimed the only two ingredients were soup and white wine. Having heard of the Fit for Life diet they dubbed mine the ‘pissed for life’ diet.

It became a No.1 bestseller fifteen years ago and gossip columnists are  now reminding me of it since I went on Sixty Minutes and admitted I had advanced cirrhosis of the liver and a cancerous growth that could lead to a liver transplant. Forget the fact the diet still works.

The cause of my health problems: a lifetime of excessive drinking and a feeling that we are indestructible.

As I said on Sixty Minutes: ‘If I was told by a doctor either give up drinking or you may die, as recently as two years ago I’d have said ‘ I’ll keep drinking. I’d rather die’. Now I don’t think that way’.

In early 2006 it was obvious that there was something drastically, even fatally, wrong with me. Gaunt and haggard, I looked like Rock Hudson about three days before he died of AIDS.

I decided to give my liver a chance. I decided to have some alcohol-free days every week. Something a doctor told me we should all do more than twenty years ago. And I laughed. I had the constitution of an ox. Didn’t get hangovers. Didn’t miss a day’s work.

I cut back to one glass of red wine three days a week. Then one glass of top-class shiraz on Saturday nights when out at dinner with Mrs.

Nosebag. Then nothing.

I didn’t miss it. Didn’t crave it. Didn’t wake up in the morning and ‘need’ alcohol. But it left one huge hole in my life: the ritual of a glass of wine over a leisurely meal. And we ate  out a lot.

One Virgin Mary (or Bloody Shame ) as I call them was enough and you can only drink so many lemon, lime and soda or fruit juice.

So I started shopping around. Most liquor store people looked at you as if you were speaking Swahili. I found Orlando’s Maison range.  But it brought back memories of going off the grog for a month at a time in the 1970s and drinking Grapella. Although Maison looks the part they are honest enough NOT to call it non-alcoholic wine but ‘ non-alcoholic grape juice’.

Then I went to Dan Murphy’s and tried Billabong. I know it  sounds harsh but it tasted to me like they had named the red after the source of bottling. I was in hospital when my wife brought me a surprise: a bottle of the much-trumpeted non-alcoholic ‘champagne’ by the revered Maggie Beer.  It was about $18 a bottle at the David Jones Food Hall but I was disappointed. To me it had an unpleasant finish.

On a luxury cruise last year aboard The World  I discovered a good non-alcoholic red and white called Ariel. It is made in California. They also had a non-alcoholic version of Beck’s beer on board. Closer to home I discovered that Cooper’s have a non-beer called Birrell. It is fermented from malt, hops and yeast and comes under licence from Hurlimann’s in Zurich. It’s a good thirst-quencher served very cold but still has a lurking non-beer, slightly-bitter, aftertaste.

Then last November I was barrelling up the aisles of my local Coles supermarket in Melbourne and almost missed a new product called Edenvale. I found out later it had only been on the market a few weeks and in Coles for a few days. Boy! Did that stuff make my Christmas.

Edenvale is the best non-alcoholic wine I have ever tasted.  It looks so authentic I get challenged by busybodies in restaurants who saw my teetotaller pledge on Sixty Minutes and who point accusingly at the ruby red glass and the bottle of shiraz on the table.

The Australian-made, Australian-owned product also features a chardonnay, a rose and a sparkling cuvee.

The chilled bubbly is so good I have served it to guests as the real thing.

In fact, having seen what a cirrhotic liver looks like on TV, Mrs. Nosebag now has two alcohol-free days a week and drinks the Edenvale ‘champagne’.

It’s also a great aperitif if you are planning a big night out to a ball or whatever. You don’t arrive having consumed a couple of glasses of champers on an empty stomach.

In these justifiable days of Booze Bus blitzes non-alcoholic wine is perfect for designated drivers. I take a bottle to dinner and drive everywhere now. In fact I was a tad disappointed after a Motown night at Crown for New Year’s Eve when we drove home in bright red fright wigs  -- looking like Thelma and Louise in drag – and there wasn’t a breathalyser in sight.

On a serious note, there was a recent survey showing that 60% of pregnant women in Australia still drink. That is unconscionable. Wines like Edenvale are the answer.

The list is endless.  Doctors and nurses on call. Emergency service staff. Airline crews. People on medication. Recovering alcoholics. Sportsmen and women. Young mothers (we talked about on 3AW recently) who have ‘a few chardys’ before picking up the kids from school.

And all drinkers – heavy and social -- who should heed their doctor’s sage advice and give the liver a chance with a couple of alcohol-free days a week.

Believe me. I wish I had listened. Such ignorance can kill you.