FUNKFISH
Federation Square
Melbourne CBD
Tel: 03 9650 7011

It is an enigma. Either a brilliant architectural masterstroke or something put together by a drunken Leggo aficionado or some bloke who was mesmerised by his Meccano set as a kid.

I’m talking about Melbourne’s controversial Federation Square opposite Flinders Street Station. A sprawling mass of metal and glass and earth-coloured stones.

I have reviewed a number of nosh-houses in the complex. The classy Reserve restaurant upstairs, the tactile wine bar, the quickie Japanese noodle joint called Chocolate Buddha (God knows why) and FunkFish.

On a recent sunny Sunday I went back to FunkFish for lunch. In an earlier review I said:

“Several decades ago, in the midst of some deluded fiscal madness, I opened a New York style restaurant in Melbourne and called it Sardi’s – as a tribute to the great and famous show biz restaurant on Broadway in New York.

One day, after I got off air on 3AW and before I flew to Sydney to fill in for Mike Willesee that night on TV, I “swung by” Sardi’s for a quick, quality control check, lunch.

I noticed that there were no salt shakers on the tables, mine or anybody’s, and pointed it out to the gay maitre’d. He airily informed me that he and the chef had decided that the precious dishes on our menu should not be polluted with salt. The saltshakers had been banished to a place more remote than the salt mines of Siberia!

I made the point, as subtly as possible, that if people were paying a heap of money to eat in my restaurant and they liked salt on their steak, or ketchup on their eggs, or mustard on their ice cream, they were entitled to have access to it.

It was worse than telling diners that “ we only serve steak rare”. And the saltshakers returned.

That story flooded back when I had dinner at the newest, hottest, fish restaurant in Melbourne. At FunkFish at Federation Square they have been “frying high” as one newspaper headline writer wrote.

The Herald Sun sent a dedicated foodie out to find the best, crispy, battered, fish and chips in town. And Michele Curtis came up with a list of the best 16 fish and chip shops in Melbourne and country Victoria.

The over-all winner: FunkFish in Federation Square.

Having read that I went there and enjoyed it.

They have beautiful light-battered Dory and King George Whiting and Rockling. And crunchy chips.

You can get more exotic if you like. They have things like Barramundi baked in foil with lemon myrtle and BBQ Trevally fillets with Spanish onions and, I think, an apple salsa.

There are also a couple of chicken and veal dishes – but why would you bother in a fish restaurant?

But then they lost me. A reminder of the SSS -- the Sardi’s Salt Saga – hit the table.

We ordered bread and some hot fresh rolls appeared on the table. There was no butter.

My dining partner asked for some and was told: “We don’t serve butter with our bread”. Virtually said “our bread is that good without it”.

Now, I don’t ever put butter on bread as part of my diet. I only have salt and sugar in my house for guests. Never use it. But it is a matter of choice. A courtesy to a guest.

And when you are charging $23.50 for a simple main course of fish and chips, no matter how good it is, then the customer is entitled to have butter or olive oil or balsamic vinegar or sump oil on their bread roll.

I left FunkFish with my dinner partner in a funk and I wondered if my old maitre d’ from Sardi’s had come back to haunt me.”

That was last time. In October 2004 I went back. The latest verdict:

They have grown up. Funk Fish is fantastic. Sitting outside on a sunny Sunday with the Yarra River behind you it IS a touch of class. They do have the best battered fish you will find. Their secret is the splash of Toohey’s Old beer in the batter and they cook it in expensive cottonseed oil.

It works. And they now serve butter with the bread rolls if you ask nicely.

November, 2004